Author: Sarah Dawson
You know those people who say, ‘cherish every moment of parenthood’? You’ve got to love their positive outlook on life, but when you’ve got a teething baby it’s tempting to bash them over the head with a saucepan. Fun, it ain’t – but there’s no getting away from the fact that your baby is going to grow teeth. Just remember, you’re not alone – I think all parents can relate to this old teething rollercoaster…
- “Ooh, the baby is dribbling loads at the moment and look at his little red cheeks… do you think he could be teething?” *Googles it* “Yep, I think our baby is getting his first tooth! OMG, how cute – teeth!”
- And so it begins. Your chilled, happy baby starts crying and stops sleeping (an excellent combination, no?) – why is the world so cruel? “My poor baby, are those nasty teeth hurting you? Hmm, I don’t want to give him too much Calpol but he seems to be in a bit of pain. I’ll give him a little and see how he goes.”
- “Ummm, hi, teeth? It’s been quiiiiiite a few weeks (ahem, months) and still no sign of you. Just checking in. I mean, if you could pop out and put my baby out of its misery that would be grand.”
- A tooth! Sweet Lord there’s a tooth! Just look at his little face. Hooray, we did it – teething was a breeze.
- *One week later* “Err, the red face, dribble, crying and sleepless nights seem to be back. What fresh hell is this? More teeth? I’m not ready – you can stay put, do you hear me?”
- The sleep deprivation is REAL. You look like death and there are sticky, empty Calpol syringes scattered across the house. It’s like a scene from a strange pre-school Trainspotting. “This is not what I signed up for!” you wail, while both eyes twitch manically.
- You stagger around the supermarket with a basket full of Calpol (oh, hi BFF), teething gel, teething granules, wine and KitKat Chunkys (obvs). The shop assistant nods sagely at you as you pack your Bag for Life, as if to say, “I hear ya, sister”.
- “Do you know what? I think we’re done. Let’s just stick at six teeth. People live happy, fulfilled lives with six teeth, right?”
- These bad boys just keep on coming, don’t they? Is it too early for wine? *FYI, if Justin’s House is on TV it probably is a bit too early sadly.*
- “WOOHOOOOOOO! Teeth, all present and correct. Well apart from the molars, but that’s not for aaaaages. Look at that toothy grin – my baby is so grown up, sob!” *Pops the old rose-tinted specs on* Ahh, it wasn’t that bad was it really? What’s that? Molars? Already? WTAF. *Specs off*.”
You know that silver lining everyone bangs on about? There is one – we promise! Teething doesn’t go on forever. There is a finite number of teeth one child can grow (well, I assume so. *Cue weird dreams about my son with a mouth full of approx. 100 teeth*). Mums, Dads – be strong. You CAN do this and once you’re out the other side of teething no man’s land you’ll feel like a total badass.
Sarah dawson can be found at www.wordupwriting.co.uk